Wow! It feels so weird coming into this space after such a long absence. I almost waited until the whole business rebranding was completed. But it’s okay for the right-now-content to be messy. Construction projects are messy!
I’ve gone through such a massively deep, life-transforming, overhaul of self the last couple of years and the time has finally come to reclaim the proverbial land given to me.
THIS IS MY YEAR!
I can’t shout that loud enough. LOL. I’ve waited so long for this season to finally be here, and now that it is, there’s such a surrealness about it. Like I have to keep pinching myself or double-checking with the Lord if yes, we’re a ‘go’ for launch. 😉
Many who’ve been around for a bit know that in 2017 my mom passed away. I had already been battling with deep depression and that happened to be the catalyst that furthered my spiral into deep darkness.
And while I hadn’t had a close relationship with my birth mom, I grieved deeply for what I’d never had and wouldn’t have the opportunity to have. It was the “final straw” in a long string of heartaches.
For several months I was a shell, a functioning husk of a person. My depression escalated into suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I was truly scared for myself.
Then in the spring of 2018, I received a miracle. A divine experience I have continuously thanked the Father for (I’m near tears just thinking of all that’s happened since then because of this one miracle!)
God, in His goodness and mercy, stepped into my darkness, stepped into the miry hole I’d placed myself in, and He pulled me out, washed me clean, and gave me an entirely new heart.
At the time I had no idea how deep of a work the Father wanted to do in my life. Giving me a spiritual heart transplant had just been the beginning.
After that day, the Lord sent me on a very special journey to know Him and discover what it felt like to love Him and be loved by Him.
In that process, He broke me down to my very foundation. Then He smashed that foundation to smithereens. LOL. That sounds painful–and it was!
However, it had to be done. The foundation of man’s traditions and legalistic rituals had to be removed so that I could be built upon a firm, unshakeable foundation in Christ, one that is established by having a raw and authentic relationship with the One who gave all for my soul.
In that season I encountered God as real! I met face-to-face with my Savior and had my life marked forever. I developed a passion for His Word and a personal relationship with His Holy Spirit.
The Father dove deep into my spirit and dug out everything not of Him. From childhood trauma influencing how I formed relationships to the root causes of my depression and anxiety, even down to the unhealthy mindsets formed by chasing the ever-moving bar of perfectionism.
Most days it’s hard seeing all the “construction materials” of this new life the Father is shaping and not quite being where I want to be. However, I’ve committed my heart to be patient and trust the Father even if I can’t see just how the finished “house” will look.
I’ve been holding tightly to the verse from Zechariah 4:10a (NLT):
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”
Zechariah 4:10a (NLT)
Going through a divine demolition is like starting all over again–in very purposeful ways.
I’m not the most patient person in the world, LOL. So it has been quite the wrestle coming to terms with moving at an intentional, harvest-minded pace. Because what the Father plans to do in my life will be for the benefit of more than just me.
I’ve been invited to be a vessel, sharing the Father’s heart and words with others.
How that will look … I have glimpses but not the full picture. Only the Father–the Master Architect and Builder–knows who and what I’ll become in full. I’m taking a page from Abraham’s life story, going forward and trusting the Father to show me the path He has designed for me (ref. Genesis 12:1).
And if your journey feels similar, then I hope this has encouraged you! The Father is doing extraordinary things in this hour in the hearts of His chosen servants.
The traveling journey to your “promised land” may not be as quick as you’d like (trust me, I get it!!), but the Father is working intentionally. So let’s be intentional in our pursuit of perseverance and determination.
What the Father has promised is ours. And this is the year to see the fruit of what the Father has been laboring on for so many years!
January 19, 2023